Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
