Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
