Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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