So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
