I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
