Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
