Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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