I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
