he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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