I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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