I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
