Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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