You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
