Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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