I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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