This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
