its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
