i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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