Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
