i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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