One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
