Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
