ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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