I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
