woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
