I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
