my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
