another moral hangover. fuck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
