i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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