Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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