Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
