Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
