Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
