I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize