listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
