The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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