Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
