Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just pynch a tree in the face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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