Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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