gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
