wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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