Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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