Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
