My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
