I can text with my tongue
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
