I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
