i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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