It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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