Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this boner is exhausting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
