I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
