It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want her autograph on my taint
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
