yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
