If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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