apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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