I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize