I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
