it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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