Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
