I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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