I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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