How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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