please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
