I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
