Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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