He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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