she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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