just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
