guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
