Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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